Relationships seem incredibly hard for some people, starting from the basics “I’m not sure if they like me,” to the “But do I tell them I like them?” Ugh. I’ll be completely honest, a lot of these things are cringe — you probably see it too.
I’m seeing a lot of people wondering what would happen if they said they liked the other person? What if they say no? What do I do if I’m being rejected?
For starters, fear of rejection is a real trauma, and it’s where you want to start. You’ll never be happy with someone unless you work on yourself first and fix that — I highly recommend therapy and personal development. Don’t get caught in a bubble of biases.
For now, let’s see what happens if the other person says no. For me, the normal answer is “you move on.” I can see why this is difficult, so let’s go through the main reasons someone won’t tell their friend they’re completely in love with them (I’m exaggerating for a reason here).
Why Can’t You Ask Them Out?
Well, there are tons of reasons, but I gathered the most common ones.
1. Best Friends Dilemma
I think this is one of the most common ones where two people are good friends, they spend lots of time together, and one of them (sometimes both) catches feelings. The natural answer is “but I don’t wanna ruin the friendship.” Ok, I get that. What I don’t get is why you’d choose to be in a state of not knowing how you really feel because you couldn’t actually say it? Is it better to cling to someone just because they’re close to you, even though you’re dying inside? You’ll get depressed this way — just saying.
It’s true that things can go both ways — they can say yes, or no. Regardless of the answer, you must learn to put yourself first and say what you think. You don’t need to be a mean piece of cake, but you can’t live like that. You either get together or you know it’s time to move on. Problem solved.
2. My Friend Said They’re Not Right For Me
I wish you could see my face right now — it’s a dead-stare combined with an imaginary facepalm because my hands are on the keyboard, but let me say this: I’ve been in love, listened to my friends and got a big, fat depression.
I’m not saying your friends have bad intentions. I’m saying that they don’t know how you feel. The information we share with people is always limited, no matter how much we try to open up, and they may not know the full story. On top of that, we tend to share more good information than bad information — we’ll tell our friends that they called us pretty, but not that they didn’t answer for 24 hours straight.
What I’m saying here is that you should listen to yourself, not your friends in these situations. You may get your hopes up and your dreams shattered in a few minutes because they think you’re out of someone’s league. Think for yourself and do what you feel — ask them out, God damn it!
3. I can’t take another rejection
Ok, so you’re telling me that someone else’s perception of you is going to affect your self esteem? Read that out loud now. Here’s the thing — we’re always surrounded by people, as we can’t live alone (trust me, I tried).
Every day, you’ll hear ideas, opinions, thoughts you need to either accept or reject. However, you need to train your brain to fully deny or accept an idea. When you’re unsure, and still hopeful, you’ll deal with a terrible fall.
The solution to this is of course, to ask them out anyway. And learn to deal with rejection — I’m saying it again, therapy really helps.
4. I’m not good enough for them
Says who? I get where you come from with this thought, but is it really relevant? There was a time (still is for many people) when looks were everything, and we assumed that we could never be with someone who looks prettier than us. However, that’s not the case. In 50 years no one will care how you looked at 20, but everyone will care if you’re smart enough to know Italy is a country.
5. They look mean
I heard this recently and my brain froze for a minute. Do you know the person or just assume stuff? You may be biased and that’s not cool. You can’t assume stuff about people based on their looks. Grow a pair and go talk to the person you like. It may go bad, but it may also be good, and you never know until you try.
What Happens if They Say No?
Well, there’s only one answer to this — you move on. As an adult (real or pretend adult), you should be able to hear “no” and don’t go full toddler on them, or yourself.
Find someone new, or take some time to work on yourself. You may get a while new perspective and make a much better choice.